Talking to Your Teens About Sex Doesn’t Have to be Scary
By Courtney Furlong, MS, MEd, LPC, CRC
Parents and primary caregivers carry the most significant influence on healthy adolescent sexual development (Chapman and Werner-Wilson, 2008; Cox, 2015; Meschke & Zentall, 2002). Sexual development during adolescence is a normal, healthy part of family process (Chilman, 1990).
Teens need to feel supported: Adolescents who feel more connected to and supported by family are less likely to participate in risk-taking behaviors, including early sexual debut. Parental supportiveness was positively associated with delayed sexual debut, condom usage, and values and expectations associated with sexual debut (Cox et al.,2015; Meschke and Zentall, 2002; Parkes et al., 2011).
• Conversations should take place regularly: Regular parent-adolescent communication about sexual health promotes positive behaviors, including abstinence, fewer sexual partners, contraceptive use, and partner communication about sexually transmitted illnesses (Scull et al., 2019). 87% of young women indicated that they wanted more information about sex and dating from their fathers (Meschke and Zentall, 2002).
• Content and Quality of Conversations Matter: Informal, comfortable, open, honest, and knowledgeable parent-adolescent conversations about sexual health are most effective (Scull et al., 2019) and should include the positive and negative outcomes associated with sex (Ford et al., 2019; Schalet, 2011). Reciprocal communication—or back and forth conversations where talk time is split evenly—diminishes the likelihood of sexual intercourse. On the other hand, lecturing and other harsh communication actually increased the likelihood of sexual intercourse (Rogers at al., 2015).
• Conversations should follow the ABC-and-D Conceptual Model, where A = Autonomy; B = Building (good romantic relationships); C = Connectedness (with parents and caregivers); and D = recognizing Diversity and removing Disparities (Schalet, 2011).
• Timing of Conversations: Over 50% of children engage in genital touching before discussing birth control efficacy, resisting partner pressure for sex, sexually transmitted disease symptoms, condom use, choosing birth control, or partner condom refusal (Becket et al., 2010). Timing of parent-adolescent communication about healthy sexual development should occur in three different stages:
1) Presexual stage (handholding and kissing): Should include topics such as girls’ bodies and menstruation.
2) Precoital stage (genital touching and oral sex): Should include topics like birth control efficacy and refusing sex.
3) Intercourse (Becket et al., 2010).
• Monitor Your Children: Parents need to know what their children are watching and with whom their children are hanging out (Langley, 2016; Meschke & Zentall, 2002; Parkes et al., 2011; Scull et al., 2019). Higher levels of parental monitoring encourage delay of sexual debut, fewer sexual partners, and increased contraception use (Meschke & Zentall, 2002). Monitoring may include limiting access to technology and/or “screen time,” screening calls, texts, emails, social media, etc., enforcing curfews, and getting to know the teen’s peer group.
References
• Beckett, M.K., Elliott, M.N., Martino, S., Kanouse, D.E., Corona, R., Klein, D.J., & Schuster, M.A. (2010). Timing of parent and child communication about sexuality relative to children’s sexual behaviors. Pediatrics, 125(1), 34–42. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2009-0806
• Chapman, E.N., & Werner-Wilson, R.J. (2008). Does positive youth development predict adolescent attitudes about sexuality? Adolescence, 43(171), 505–523. http://doi.org/2008- 17180-006
• Chilman, C. (1990). Promoting healthy adolescent sexuality. Family Relations, 39(2), pp. 123-131. National Council on Family Relations. https://www.jstor.org/stable/585712
• Cox, R.B., Shreffler, K.M., Merten, M.J., Schwerdtfeger Gallus, K.L., & Dowdy, J.L. (2015). Parenting, peers, and perceived Norms: What predicts attitudes toward sex among early adolescents? The Journal of Early Adolescence, 35(1), 30–53.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0272431614523131
• Ford, J.V., Vargas, E.C., Finotelli, Jr., I.J., Fortenberry, D., Kismodi, E., Philpot, A. (2019). Why pleasure matters: Its global relevance for sexual health, sexual rights and wellbeing. International Journal of Sexual Health, 31(3), pp. 217-230.
https://doi.org/10.1080/19317611.2019.1654587
• Langley, C. (2016). Father knows best: Paternal presence and sexual debut in African-American adolescents living in poverty. Family Process, 55(1), 155–170.
https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12125
• Meschke, L.L., & Zentall, S.R. (2002). Adolescent sexuality and parent-adolescent processes: Promoting healthy teen choices. Journal of Adolescent Health, 31(6), 264-279.
http://doi.org/10.1016s/s1054-139x(02)00499-8
• Parkes, A., Henderson, M., Wight, D., & Nixon, C. (2011). Is parenting associated with teenagers’ early sexual risk-taking, autonomy and relationship with sexual partners? Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 43(1), 30–40. https://doi.org/10.1363/4303011
• Rogers, A.A., Ha, T., Stormshak, E.A., Dishion, T.J. (2015). Quality of parent–adolescent conversations about sex and adolescent sexual behavior: An observational study. Journal of Adolescent Health, 57(2), pp. 174-179. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2015.04.010
• Schalet, A.T. (2011). Beyond abstinence and risk: A new paradigm for adolescent sexual health. Women’s Health Issues, 21(3, Supplement), S5–S7. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.whi.2011.01.007 • Scull, T.M., Malik, V.C., Keefe, M.E., & Schoemann, A. (2019). Evaluating the short-term impact of media aware parent, a web-based program for parents with the goal of adolescent sexual health promotion. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 48(9), 1686–1706.
https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-019-01077-0
